Learning more than just the Army and my job at AIT
I used to have a saying, there’s only two things I take seriously, my faith and my family. I thought myself to be pretty laid back and ok with life. I didn’t think that anything beyond those things mentioned above would rile me up to the point of ready to fight someone.
Man… was I so wrong about myself.
Ever since I joined the Army I had this grandiose (however false) notion that everyone lived the Army values so taught us from BCT and AIT and so on and so forth. I thought everyone took this Army and service thing seriously. I saw the Soldier’s creed emblazoned on the hearts of everyone who put on this uniform.
But the longer I stay in the more I realize that the Army as a whole is not this picture perfect utopia that I had originally had in my head. To tell you the truth its almost worse than living as a civilian. We’re made to work with people we don’t like and we can’t just walk out after a bad day. We work long hours and we have no right to appeal or reason with orders, we’re supposed to get it done. The Army is not excluded from the ever famous “blue falcon” (or buddy f*Ker). There are those who live to screw the ones who want to do right and try to get over at the expense of the ones who do take this seriously. There are rumors, backbiting, bickering, complaining, and hateful words spoken in every direction.
Just like in the civilian world.
I knew the Army would be a very hard place to maintain a Christian walk and live out what God has called me out of darkness to be. But, I didn’t know it would be this hard. I didn’t take into account of how spoiled I was in the sense that I wanted people to act a certain way. I’ve become very angry at so many of the little things. The mental breakdown that never happened to me at BCT is happening to me at AIT.
Yet somehow in the middle of all of this I find peace knowing that God loves me and hasn’t forgotten me. He has given me favor and so many other things that I do not deserve. My intention was to survive Basic and come to AIT and thrive. Crazy thing is, despite the fact that I hate this place with every fiber of my being, I really am thriving. I’m in leadership that I never was in at Basic. I’m a squad leader and assistant class leader. I was chosen by my first sergeant to appear in front of the soldier of the month board. I’m making very good grades and am on pace for Honor Graduate. I really have been blessed beyond what my current attitude and outlook has been.
I’ve let so much get to me that I shouldn’t let get to me. I know I’m as screwed up inside as the next person. But I have something that most do not. I have sincerity and heart. I know my Father loves me beyond what my mind can comprehend. So in this my prayer:
Father, let me continue to be pure of heart and let me as the song goes, praise you in this storm and let me truly enjoy the blessings you have given me. Let me truly rejoice that while evil triumphs all around me, you have truly prepared for me a table in the presence of my enemies. Thank You Father. You are always good. You are always faithful. Help me to see you in every situation and let me know you and know your heart in everything I go through. Make my life a prayer to you. I want to do what you want me to. No empty words and no white lies, no token prayer no compromise. I want to shine the light you gave through your son you sent to save us from ourselves and our despair. It comforts me to know you’re really there. I want to thank you now for being patient with me. Oh its so hard to see when my eyes are on me. I guess i’ll have to trust and just believe what you say. Oh you’re coming again. You’re coming to take me away.