Repenting and the sweetness of obedience

A couple of weeks ago I went to Seattle to receive confirmation on “the one”. I was praying to God that I would receive what I had wanted from him for a long time. I was disappointed. But, the Lord used that rather painful moment to speak some very important and very much needed things into my life.

When I left Hattiesburg to go to Jackson to catch my flight to Dallas and then Seattle I had made up my mind that I was going to accept God’s decision regarding my relationship with Alena. I was hoping for a yes and was scared to death of him saying no. But, either way I had to be ready in my heart for both realities. So while worshipping God in my car riding up to Jackson I was practically reciting my break up speech as well as practicing my proposal to her at the same time.

My week in Seattle was a lot of fun. I got to spend time with and get to know a wonderful person and meet her family. I got to go up on the Space Needle and see the first Starbucks. I got to tour the Seattle Underground and Safeco Field which was cool.  I got to go to the Experience Music Project and Sci-Fi Museum which was totally boss! It had a ton of Star Trek stuff I was like a kid at Christmas! I got to be in a totally different environment than what I am used to and it was a very enjoyable experience. Riding with Alena was a lot of fun and scary. I  am not used to the horrific traffic in Seattle or in any metro city and it scared the poo out of me.

Spending time with Alena was my favorite part. She is a wonderful girl and the guy she ends up with is going to be one lucky dude. I am glad to call her my friend.

When God gave me his decision, it hurt so bad at that time. It was what I didn’t want. But I was sorely rebuked by God. He had to reveal something in me by making that decision. I had tried to bargain with him. I thought that if I could just lift the relationship to him he would reward me by giving her back to me. I was selfish and the Lord rebuked me which made me hurt even worse. But at the same time he comforted me and reassured me that he had better plans for Alena’s life and for mine. In that I know I can have confidence. It truly does hurt when he says no to what you think you want but it helps so much to have the revelation that God is truly on my side and he loves me and truly wants the best for me. He has better plans for me than I do myself.

So at the end of the day, I come to the realization that I truly do not know myself. I don’t know what I want or what I need. I am truly a child in need of a father. I’m a sheep in need of a shepherd. I don’t even know the best way to live my life. It’s in moments like these that I am thankful to be in the will of a God and a Father who truly does want the best for me. Thank you Jesus for loving me so much!


~ by timbrownlee on February 28, 2008.

4 Responses to “Repenting and the sweetness of obedience”

  1. Thanks for sharing from the heart, bro. I know whenever I am trying to make a large decision I have to empty myself of my own wants and desires and rest upon/in the Lord. Praise God that you followed Godly principles concerning this relationship, and that you gave it to Him. Many christians would not think to do that. I know that it is painful when He takes something important from you (especially relationships, I’ve been through that before), but the greater glory always lies ahead.

    Many blessings bro,



  2. i have been right there man. it’s hard but like you said…it brings you into knowing the love of God greater. i find myself looking back at those things now with greater vision and i have seen where the Lord has brought me to and how He has matured me. i get really grateful that He didn’t let me go my own way.

    thanks for being honest.


  3. When it is “the one” you aren’t scared about asking God…in fact, you may not even have to ask, you just know that you know. My husband said it like this, “for once in my life, I did not feel like I had to choose between serving God and being with you. I could do both.”

    The best thing you can do is be who God called you to be and be where He called you to be. When you are where He called you doing what He called you to do you will not miss His will for you.

    I would also like to encourage you that if you have a desire to be married then God has someone for you. He does not put desires in us that He is not going to fulfill! He is your faithful friend and has the very best in mind for you.


  4. CBGrace, that’s a wonderful comment.

    Tim, I totally understand how you feel. I recently (okay its been 4 months and 9 days) got out of a relationship and I was completely devastated! I wanted the (long-distance) relationship to work so much bad. I devoted so much.

    After about a year (a year and two months to be exact) of being in the relationship, I began planning our wedding and thanking God that I found the “one.” That’s when I realized (moreso God gave me a friendly reminder) that I was taking my love (adoration, sacrifice, care, desire, friendship, amorous attentions and most of all worship) from Him. I basically began idolizing and embracing my relationship to the point where there was no intimacy with God.

    He was where He was and I was where I was.

    So things had to change. God said NO. I realized that until I get it right with God and realize that there is no substitute, I may never truly be happy with someone, let alone myself.

    We were created for one purpose – to worship God. When we don’t put that worship (love, adoration, reverence, etc.) in and to God, we naturally and almost automatically place it in some other place or person. We can’t help it, its who we are. And that’s when we get in trouble.

    We have to do our part and remember our purpose and function in His design. We have to marry God. We must worship HIM alone.

    Don’t worry Tim, she’s on her way. Until then, love God. :o)


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