Repenting and the sweetness of obedience
A couple of weeks ago I went to Seattle to receive confirmation on “the one”. I was praying to God that I would receive what I had wanted from him for a long time. I was disappointed. But, the Lord used that rather painful moment to speak some very important and very much needed things into my life.
When I left Hattiesburg to go to Jackson to catch my flight to Dallas and then Seattle I had made up my mind that I was going to accept God’s decision regarding my relationship with Alena. I was hoping for a yes and was scared to death of him saying no. But, either way I had to be ready in my heart for both realities. So while worshipping God in my car riding up to Jackson I was practically reciting my break up speech as well as practicing my proposal to her at the same time.
My week in Seattle was a lot of fun. I got to spend time with and get to know a wonderful person and meet her family. I got to go up on the Space Needle and see the first Starbucks. I got to tour the Seattle Underground and Safeco Field which was cool. I got to go to the Experience Music Project and Sci-Fi Museum which was totally boss! It had a ton of Star Trek stuff I was like a kid at Christmas! I got to be in a totally different environment than what I am used to and it was a very enjoyable experience. Riding with Alena was a lot of fun and scary. I am not used to the horrific traffic in Seattle or in any metro city and it scared the poo out of me.
Spending time with Alena was my favorite part. She is a wonderful girl and the guy she ends up with is going to be one lucky dude. I am glad to call her my friend.
When God gave me his decision, it hurt so bad at that time. It was what I didn’t want. But I was sorely rebuked by God. He had to reveal something in me by making that decision. I had tried to bargain with him. I thought that if I could just lift the relationship to him he would reward me by giving her back to me. I was selfish and the Lord rebuked me which made me hurt even worse. But at the same time he comforted me and reassured me that he had better plans for Alena’s life and for mine. In that I know I can have confidence. It truly does hurt when he says no to what you think you want but it helps so much to have the revelation that God is truly on my side and he loves me and truly wants the best for me. He has better plans for me than I do myself.
So at the end of the day, I come to the realization that I truly do not know myself. I don’t know what I want or what I need. I am truly a child in need of a father. I’m a sheep in need of a shepherd. I don’t even know the best way to live my life. It’s in moments like these that I am thankful to be in the will of a God and a Father who truly does want the best for me. Thank you Jesus for loving me so much!